Tuesday, July 29, 2008

A New Space

I'm in a really cool space right now. I'm making healthier food choices, and not obsessing about wanting crap food.

I'm not exercising as much as I know I could be, but oddly, that's not freaking me out either. I really want to be comfortable with who I am right now, and make good choices for this very moment.

I'm not sure exactly when the shift took place, but I'm so glad it did. I even bought a set of Pilate's DVD's because it settles me down, and helps me focus on right now, and visualizing my future. Sounds pretty airy-fairy, or maybe for the first time, sensible.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

It's Saturday, It's a New Day!

I have been able to take my mind off of weight and food the last couple of days, and frankly, it felt good.

I didn't meet my exercise goals this week, but I think part of that has been my trying to take my mind off the whole process. The good news is that I'm feeling way more motivated and in the game. I went to an energy healing class yesterday and it was awesome! So today, here is what I have on my agenda:


  • Eat lots of veggies today.
  • Make fruity iced tea as a healthy cocktail.
  • Buy a good yoga video (my class is on hiatus until September).
  • Plan our family meals for the week using local produce in season.
  • Go to the farmers market and shop for our food for the week.

My new attitude is to approach this week with an attitude of health and love for my body. I will nourish my family with fresh, wholesome food and treat all of us with love, patience, and understanding.



Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Stress Overload

I was awakened this morning with a phone call from Citi Bank about our credit card account being in collections...missed payment...terms changed...minimum payment due $1356.04! "What! There's no way, I pay our bills...on time...religiously..." Is my now wide awake reply.

After I caught my breath and went pee, I went on line to see what the heck was going on. $456 of that minimum payment is finance charges, and the rest of the amount is what is due with the new interest rate of 26.99%. Of course I called and got as far as I could until Dave needed to call. I had to call him while he is on vacation and have him handle this, which made me feel even worse. Apparently, there was an issue with my scheduled on line payment and it wasn't paid. They put our terms back the way they were, we made the payment, and they are reviewing whether or not they will reverse the $456 in finance charges.

All this said, I am feeling an incredible urge to take Mason out to eat crap food. I have instead eaten a measured cup of raisin bran with 1/2 a banana, and a handful of cherries. While I wanted to keep eating, I am here instead. Hopefully writing about what I'm feeling will distract me long enough for the destructive urge to pass. I'll let you know, but in the meantime here is my favorite affirmation: "In the infinity of life where I am, all is perfect, whole, and complete. I am exactly where I need to be, doing what I need to do, learning what I need to learn. All is well in my world."

I feel better already.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Weigh In Day

I weighed in this morning at 171 lbs. This is a few pounds up from my recent loss of 13lbs, but hey, it's a work in progress and will always be something a little up, or a little down.

I'm 5'-51/2" tall and some BMI indexes classify me as obese. They say I should weigh 135-145 lbs. Realistically, the only time I weighed 135lbs was when I was using illegal drugs back in the 80's. Yes, I had a four year stint in my life when I made some really poor decisions. Those days are long gone and so is any hope of weighing 135 lbs. I guess that's not a good attitude, I probably could weigh that again, but I have to ask myself if I'm willing to do what that will take without the speed. For now, I'm aiming for 150-155.

Today was a very stressful day. For a number of reasons, I've been experiencing some severe anxiety attacks (money issues being primary), and this would've been prime time to overeat. I did not. I had a low-cal healthy breakfast, lunch out, but a good choice, a low-cal measured portion for dinner, and a piece of cake for Ken's birthday. I expressed my anxiety through 3 glasses of wine. Hey, the wine is not the best answer, but it could have been an entire binge day, with that said, I'm taking the win.

Bravely, here are my current "before" pictures. My initial goal is to lose 20 lbs. I did 3 miles on the treadmill yesterday, along with abs and some strength training. Today I did upper body strength training. Tomorrow, at least 3 miles on the treadmill and strength training. What are you doing to reach your fitness or weight loss goals?

Before Pictures

June 10, 2008 - Before pictures









Monday, July 21, 2008

What I Know

I know I have to eat very consciously.
I have to be very aware of what I'm eating and why.
I love sugar & sweets, and I eat when I'm stressed.
I have to plan my meals and follow through.
I need accountability and that's why I'm blogging.
I know I have to exercise intentionally and religiously.
I am not one of those people who can exercise and eat anything I want and the reverse is true as well. I cannot simply watch what I eat without exercising and lose weight. I have to do both, intentionally and mindfully.
I know calories count, as do fat grams, sugar, and sodium.
With exercise, my heart rate needs to be in the fat burning zone when doing cardio, and strength training is equally important.
This is what I know.

Starting with Weight Loss

I need to lose weight. I really want to be fit and feel good. I'm just like every other person who struggles with their weight and I know what I have to do. I'm a purist in that I believe you have to eat less (or eat WAY better) and exercise more. Move more! Intentional exercise is critical, even more important than intentional eating. This week I'm going to:

Post some pictures of me at my thinnest and my heaviest in the last 10 years.
Name my goals.
List my plan for reaching my goals.
And invite you to join me on this journey.

Let's get started and succeed together! Intention is cause, and as Yoda said, "Do or do not, there is no try."